Forgiveness Is Freedom

2012, the Chinese year of the Dragon, a year of transformation, a year of Venus return and more. I started 2012 with a firm and grounded footing under my feet. I felt a shimmer of rumbling in the ground but I wasn't prepared for the quake. January started for me with a personal melt down that led into February. As I was frantically looking for salvation February rolled into March. March brought some relief. Relief came in the form of the right people being put in my path at the right time when I fully surrendered hope of surviving this massive internal quake by myself.

A dear friend Aleka Thorvalson with Aloha Healing Arts, http://www.alekasky.com/, returned my call for help. Aleka specializing as a Holistic Life Strategies Coach and Dynamic Food & Psychology & Mind/Body Nutritional Coach worked with me one on one to go to my deepest belief systems that were not serving me and need to be revealed. As I worked with her program and she pointed me in personal and spiritual ways to grow and learn more about myself. The "me" I so deeply wanted to be intimate again with but didn't quite know how was starting to be exposed in the light.

Part of this was to stop blaming others and seeing my part in things. I have had a hard time doing this for many years. Aleka's program gently helped me see this very clearly. I was able to talk to her about these discoveries and got even more clarity. A few major changes took place in my life. I started to feel a real sense of self esteem. Not the self esteem that fizzes out after a few days but the real stuff that I had admired in people my entire life. With this I started to look at myself and my relationships differently. Miraculously my relationships started taking deep transformations. At this point I was listening to Marianne  Williamson's A Gift of Change book in audio form. I gained a true sense of forgiveness for myself and others start to flood into my every being. Aleka provided wonderful guides to working on forgiveness and for the first time in my life I felt peace.

An amazing thing happened in this time. My mother called and asked if she could come visit and stay with my family. It had been nearly five years since I had seen her and a lot of my forgiving was being generating around my mother. As I was deeply forgiving her as well as myself I huge part of me that felt stuck for about 20 years released. At first it was very overwhelming because it was like watching a movie of someone else's life. This time the work didn't seem so hard but flowed and the peace came naturally. This is were I felt freedom. Freedom to be me, to be in relationships, to laugh, to cry, to dream, to think and to love. Freedom, yes freedom.

I have always loved Joseph Campbell's saying "Follow your bliss." I know I have bliss inside me but how do I follow it? This had been my on going question to my creator and myself. In the process were I found forgiveness it also led me to love the divine in me and in you as well as see everyone as a divine child of the universe. I felt as though someone had pulled off the dark hood over my eyes and replaced with a beautiful rosy colored pair of sunglasses. I will be honest and say this isn't always the case but this process has given me a stronger freedom to go back and stay in this place when I chose to. I would like to describe my transformation in 2012 as spiritual baby steps. Baby steps to follow my bliss, baby steps in believing in myself as well as wee steps to be of service to my creator and fellow spiritual beings.